The hidden roots of resistance and the courage to move past it
There’s a subtle and slippery reason why some of the most intelligent and driven leaders find themselves stuck, repeating the same patterns over and over. It’s not a lack of vision, poor execution, or unwillingness to receive feedback. It’s because change, at its core, threatens identity.
Change shakes the unconscious assumptions, loyalty, and roles we’ve adhered to all our lives roles that define us not just as individuals, but also as corporations, families, and even entire cultures.
In other words: change tests the very systems that make up who we are.
I know this because I lived it not just as an executive and an entrepreneur, but in my own body, in my relationships, and in my silence.
The Real Reason People Resist Change
Harvard psychologist Robert Kegan and leadership expert Lisa Lahey once wrote in
Harvard Business Review
that resistance to change isn’t laziness, it’s self-protection. They call it a hidden “immunity to change.”
“People unconsciously protect themselves from shifting because, deep down, change activates fear: fear of loss, of rejection, of failure, of being someone they don’t recognize” (Kegan & Lahey, 2001).
When I first read their work, I felt both understood and called out. At 34, I was leading the transformation of my then 74 year old family business into a professionally run company that could stand the test of time.
The pressure was immense, I felt I had to prove my worth through results. I needed people’s input, and yet I often grew frustrated and even angry when they didn’t immediately embrace my calls for change, especially when it meant breaking mental paradigms that were hurting the company. By then, many had already faced severance.
Kegan and Lahey’s insight shifted everything for me: people weren’t procrastinating because they didn’t care. They were protecting something tender. And that’s when my perspective changed.
Identity: The Hidden Battleground
Most leaders don’t resist change because they’re inflexible or incapable. They resist because they’re loyal, loyal to past versions of themselves, to the unspoken rules of their upbringing, to family narratives about what “success” should look like, or to internalized beliefs whispering:
- “I’m only worthy if I sacrifice.”
- “If I slow down, I’ll lose everything.”
As human beings, we cling to patterns that once protected us. The messy reality is that we remain loyal even after those patterns begin to harm us. It’s the familiar hell versus the unknown heaven.
This is where psychodynamic and ontological coaching creates breakthroughs. It doesn’t just address surface behaviors; it uncovers the deeper story beneath the iceberg, the hidden loyalties that silently run the show.
When leaders don’t explore this terrain, they keep hitting invisible walls. But when they dare to face themselves, true transformation begins, not only within them, but all around them.
My Turning Point: From Fixing to Feeling
For years, I tried to outsmart the problem planning harder, working smarter, pushing more. But when I finally dared to look inward instead of outward, everything began to shift.
I asked myself hard questions:
- What part of me is terrified of letting go?
- And what exactly am I letting go of?
- Who am I beyond the role I’ve performed so well?
The result was liberating. Change stopped feeling forced. It began to flow naturally.
After one particularly strong meeting, I asked a colleague what had shifted. His answer was simple: “You did, Yuri.”
That moment marked the start of a new chapter in my leadership, one defined by empathy. I began asking not just what I wanted people to do, but what it felt like for them to enact the change I was asking of them.
From there, deeper, braver conversations emerged:
- What identity do I fear betraying if I truly thrive?
- Which parts of my leadership style were built for a past reality that no longer exists?
- If I weren’t trying to protect my reputation, or my ego, what would I do differently?
It wasn’t easy. At times it was messy and nonlinear. But it was necessary, especially in a world moving at dizzying speeds.
What This Means for Leaders Today
If you feel stuck, it doesn’t mean you’re broken. It means you’re standing at the threshold of your next evolution.
Real leadership isn’t just about KPIs or strategies, it’s about identity realignment.
It begins not in the doing, but in the being.
Want to Explore This Further?
We help leaders go beyond surface-level change. Together, we unravel the hidden blocks keeping you from your next level, not just in strategy, but in self.
Because lasting success isn’t built on suppression. It’s built on awareness, courage, and aligned identity.
References:
Kegan, R., & Lahey, L. L. (2001). The real reason people won’t change. Harvard Business Review, 79(10), 84–92.